We love camping, it’s probably our favorite thing (besides each other and our kids and yada yada yada) but that doesn’t mean you will like it. In fact, we’re pretty sure you’re going to hate it. So we’ve compiled our top 5 reasons that you shouldn’t go camping:
1. THERE’S NO WIFI.
There’s no wifi in the woods. That sucks. What are you supposed to do, explore? Borrrrrrrrring. Can you imagine hanging out with friends around a campfire, actually talking to each other? Ew. Staring at stuff is so lame – mountains are just big hilly things, those stupid trees are probably why there isn’t any wifi, and sunrises are way too early. Isn’t the new season of Survivor about to start?
You most likely spend half of your day pooping – it should clearly be of the utmost concern. Really, this should be number one, because pooping is very important. Dig a hole? What are we, cavemen? I wish there were easily packable tools for that. Plus, what are you going to do while you poo – there’s no wifi, remember? Shit.
3. You have to sleep on the ground.
There aren’t any beds, so you’re going to be miserable. Nobody makes portable beds specifically for camping so fuhgettaboutit. The fact that people have been catching Z’s on the ground since literally the beginning of time should offer you no comfort, just like sleeping on the ground.
Not only is there nowhere to poop or sleep, but more than likely, you’re not going to have a shower nearby, either. You’re going to stink, and we know how much Mother Nature despises that. Baby wipes and travel soap certainly won’t cut it and those fellow campers have very delicate noses that can’t stand your stench.
5. A waste of your vacation days.
You work super hard all year and, chances are, you probably don’t get enough vacation days. Don’t spend them outside. The views won’t change who you are in your soul. The freedom from electronics won’t offer you any peace. The lessons learned in the outdoors definitely won’t transfer to the rest of your life. It’d be a complete waste of your time and your precious vacation days. Please, for your own sake, don’t go camping.
Camping’s not for everyone; we’re surprised it’s for anyone. We’re sure you have some reasons for not going camping, let us know what they are in the comments or on Twitter.
We won’t see you out there.